.Wednesday, June 17, 2009 ' 8:24 PM Y
waiting for that my "last order"...
right now doing an update before girl girl finish work... as well as before i start my revision... yesterday didnt went work... as previous night had an asthma attack... which i thought it was... but only came to know that i developed a panic attack dont know since when after consulting a doctor yesterday...
doctor said could be the stress come from work... studies... and lack of sleeps... but deep inside i know its something else... cause he said panic attack came due to stress... anxiety... nervous... etc... when i dont have any of the symptom as mentioned... maybe stress yes... other than that is all the "not-true/real-thoughts" that i have and i trying to control/stop...
anyway... medication is not avoidable... -.- and have to control on my asthma cause doctor have another for my asthma was that from mild to moderate... -.-''' like what the hell?!?!?! hai... really need to control on a lot of things to keep my asthma or panic attack from attacking... LOLS!
anyway was browsing through some stuff before this update... and got this little thoughts of my... and i begin to ask myself... and im still in searching for that answer... "why i love her so much..." lols! i dont know! i seriously dont... i mean... i know deep in me... its not because of her big boobs... :x not because of all the intimacy that we once had... not because im trying to prove anything... but... i dont know... i really cant find the right term right words or right feeling to describe why i love her so much...
i feel the fear... as much as before... and as much as compare to vons... the fear of losing... the fear of quarrels... the fear of forgetting...
i feel the worry... never have i had this before when come to someone so important to me... be it all the little things... or any issuse that involve discussion and decision...
i feel the hatre in me... when i see her cry... feel her helpless... demand more of her love for me... her everything for me irregardless emotional... phsycial... or anything...
i feel so deeply loved and this can never be able to compare with anyone except for people that have blood relation with me especially with my mum...
girl:
tell me... whats the reason for me to be so in love with you... i couldnt figure it out... when im with you... i simply just lose myself... is this love? or is this obession?
you are the first person that i bought couple ring with... this feeling of having a ring together is so strong... and so significant to me... i dont know when can i put on the ring for you and shout to the whole world loudly that we are together forever... that you are mine and im yours... i dont know if this dream would ever be true... i dont...
but i do feel... sincerly feel that way... when i pass that ring to you... though i made a lies to you thinking that that would be a surprise to you...
p.s: im going to attend event of twins this weekends... WEET AND YEAHNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2p.s: it has been time since i last hold and feel the warm-ness that comes all from you... i love you...
last p.s: 多想在以后的日子里...无论你在哪里...我都能在你心里...
